Hello Shadow my old friend
To My Dearest Yogi’s
First things first, yoga business.
Retreat PROMOTION news.... of course.
My gorgeous Portuguese retreat is still happening 1st-4th September with Chia Retreats.
‘Focus on the Good’ will be a luxuriously long weekend of:
*2 yoga practices a day, one vinyasa flow and one Yin yoga to seep you into the evening.
*All food and drink will be provided and made with full love to nourish you into the final quarter of the year.
*You have a choice of room but all of which are stunning and cleaned for you daily.
*We have the opportunity to make excursions to local and slightly further afield activities and hikes.
*You have every bit of freedom to spend your time the way you want and need to. Time spent to yourself or with loved ones or with fresh company all within the serenity that Chia Retreats aspires to create and cater for you.
You are also in luck as the Early-Bird promotion has made a come back as we would LOVE you to join us. I know that cash is not the easiest thing to possess at times but we all need a yoga retreat at some point in our lives and every little bit of discount helps so please jump on board the offer while you can!! Prices start at £560 and the offer extends until 1st August 2017. Please contact me here for more details and see the website for all the visuals.
I'm super excited to be teaching Dynamic Vinyasa on Tuesdays 7.05-8.05pm atBLOK London. I teach and have been teaching Yin Yoga straight after at 8.10pm so this will be a delicious flow to transition into a relaxing Yin session. Maybe a great excuse to do a cheeky double? If you can cope with double me of course! You can see my whole class timetable on my website.
Now down to my nitty gritty…
As always a huge thanks to you for opening the email and giving it a scam or a thorough read. The time of the month to sit and pen a letter to you challenges me to no end. It gives me an incentive to truly focus. I don’t know whether it is down to the full bloody moon that I genuinely do feel a gigantic pull to or whether its down to no logical reason at all but I've been battling my demons in full frontal force as of late.
My mystical teacher Sianna Sherman focuses hugely on ‘Shadow work’. When I was first introduced to the concept, I’ll be honest, I didn’t fully understand it. It was taught to me plainly as it should but something in my own head was struggling to grasp it.
I walked past a couple of small boys earlier. One proclaimed loudly and proudly to his friend - ‘IF YOU TAKE 9 AWAY FROM 10 YOU GET 1’. The sheer pride and excitement of working this out and displaying the sum on his fingers was an absolute pleasure to witness. This had me thinking. He’s been taught that probably many times. Told it by his parents and teachers at school, maybe even his friends but it was that exact moment, on a sunny day riding his scooter that BINGO he worked it out, taught it to himself and he’ll never forget it.
I had been feeling guilty and disheartened at the fact I wasn't understanding something that had been taught to me before, that others understood with no problem. I have an immense amount of pride and not ashamed to admit it. Say hello to my demon and it holds me back. Instead of simply saying, ‘I’m sorry, I don't get it?’ months ago, I would nod and smile from the outside and use my acting abilities to convey perfect understanding. Inside I’m rummaging through the pages of my brain, bashing my head against a wall and crying out with frustration and humiliation. I refused to ask for help for the fear of looking stupid, of still not understanding it. It is only now, after a night spent with a minor panic attack that I can comprehend the definition of ‘Shadow work’.
I can see my Shadow. Our Shadow appears from our defence. The walls we build to protect ourselves from stepping out of our comfort zones. Choosing an ‘easy way out’ of having to make a progressive change in our life that requires us to commit and be brave, BANG, the Shadow emerges. We all have different Shadow’s. To know ourselves on a deeper level and evolve through this life, we must get to know our Shadow. Otherwise we get stuck. Stuck in the same pattern, in the same rhythm whether we like that rhythm or not. Time keeps moving, we keep getting older but if we refuse to challenge our Shadow we will get stuck in time and the quick sand get’s more aggressive and will swallow us hole… It’s a petrifying image and I apologise profusely for laying it on you but this is part of my process and I feel so much lighter and stronger for finally allowing the light bulb to switch on.
My Shadow is one of fear and self-doubt. I have a perpetual fear of failure and failing publicly which is why I feel I am so crap at displaying myself on social media. I have tones of idea’s I feel very confident about in terms of the content but then that blasted Shadow has a hold of me and will be sure to stop myself from pushing them through to fruition just in case it be 10 or 10,000 people see me make a spelling mistake or fall over my head in a headstand- (Both scare the shite or shit out of me, which ever you prefer to say more).
TRUST ME, i’ve come an incredibly long way in terms of battling my demons through the power of yoga but our Shadow will never simply disappear and it rears it’s head when it needs to. It has a purpose. I respect my Shadow, it reminds me when I need to put a rocket up my arse and get things done, when I need to give myself a bit more self love and trust myself more. My Shadow will find ways to distract and procrastinate my day of work. It will find a way of seeing my body in a different light to what it really is. It will plant vicious drops of paranoia in my head when I don't get a response from a job or a person. Any way to plant hate or worry or shame on myself, it'll do it.
Here is where I must rise above it, remind myself that actually ‘failure’ is not entirely a bad thing. That there is no such thing as a ‘finished product’ and no-one on this earth knows ‘exactly’ what they are doing all of the time. I need to give myself a break from my Shadow and burn away all its bullshit and use the fire to fuel me through what my heart desires.
Maybe this rang true for you, maybe you're politely nodding and smiling like I used to or maybe you’ll read this after the next full moon having experienced the Shadow for yourself. Let the Shadow fuel you out of habitual self destruction and evolve you into the clearest, most passionate, loving and focused version of you that you can be.
If you made it through to the end I salute you.
Only love and compassion as always.